Eulogy to my shirt

This is my blog, so I post whatever nonsense I want. What’s the point of a personal blog if you can’t post personal stuff on it? So beware, this post is about an old shirt.

Watson and Zajonc affirmed that the more we are exposed to a thing, the more we like it. Independently really of what that thing is.

I just experienced this in a deep, personal, emotional way.

I had this shirt since University, even earlier, so maybe for about ten years. This shirt is really mundane, it is sky blue, thin cotton, with an extremely cheap cut, a breast pocket, long sleeves with a patterned cuff lining. Bought from a Chinese seller in Sicily. Probably a rejected sample due to a minor defect.

I wore it since University. When I was a child, I couldn’t bear wearing anything else than T-shirts. Then I couldn’t bear wearing anything else than polo shirts. Finally, I was into shirts. Don’t ask me why, now I’m fine with anything and I don’t understand what I was on about. I think it had to do with the neckline.

This shirt accompanied me for a third of my life. It, with its mazarine brother, was like a friend to me. I wore it a lot. And of course, by force of being worn, it became worn. The color wore off, it actually now looks like I dropped (diluted) bleach on it. It’s really unwearable. It’s especially noticeable on the breast pocket, as the color kept, in contrast with the rest of the breast cloth, highlighting the wear.

So I had to part with it.

Couldn’t even throw it in the clothing bin, basically too worn for it. I had to throw it in the trash. I was confronted with a very surprising mental state. I just liked it so much, it was to me like the plush toy I slept with as a kid. The default when no other shirt would fit for the situation, a comfort in times of uncertainty. It really was an old friend. And I had to say to it “good bye” forever.

When I threw it, I emitted a strange cry I didn’t know I had. It was a scream of despair, of someone who lost a bit of his grounding to reality and his own identity.

A part of myself peeled off forever, gone in the junk, unrecoverable, irreversibly changed and worn :(